May 6, 2022
During one of my recentish stays at Baylor Hospital a social worker came to my room. This isn’t unusual. What was unusual was that she came to me to tell me that I qualify for mental disability. The reason the social worker came to tell me that I qualify for disability is because disability can help me access basic health care. It can also help me pay for medical care to deal with my increasingly problematic pancreas. And she already set up an appointment for me at the psychiatry clinic at Parkland. I qualify for mental disability because I have documented medical records that show I have severe atrophy. People with brain atrophy, also called cerebral atrophy, lose brain cells (neurons), which causes connections between their brain cells. Brain volume decreases. This loss of brain volume can lead to problems with thinking, memory, functioning, and — what was I saying? The greater the loss, the more brain impairment. I’m not sure how much volume I lost but I sure do miss it a lot. A real, whole fucking lot. My brain is now disabled.
Anyway. Back to Saint Mary’s. Anesthetics activate memory-loss receptors in the brain, ensuring that folks don’t remember what happens during surgery. The activity of memory loss receptors remains high long after the drugs have left the patient’s system, sometimes for days, sometimes longer. We all be unique. Oh! More fun. I almost forgot — get it?? I almost forgot??? Awhile ago I was hospitalized for hepatic encephalopathy, which is a brain disorder that happens when the liver is fucked.
Loss of brain function occurs when the liver is unable to remove toxins from the blood. This is called hepatic encephalopathy (HE). This problem may occur suddenly or it may develop slowly over time.
The cause for my high ammonia levels in my body was from iron buildup in my liver. (Thanks, chromosome 6, ya fuckin’ dick.)
Hemochromatosis is actually a disease that’s easy to keep tolerable. The main treatment is phlebotomy to remove iron, through blood. However, this easily accessible treatment is only easily accessible for people with health coverage. I am not one of those people. Ergo, my body is failing from iron overload and is trying to poison me in myriad ways.
The hepatic encephalopathy incident was so scary I remember a lot of it. Like being literally chained to a hospital bed so I could get ammonia drained, and…meds pumped in. I was so fuckin’ fucked in the head at this point I refused to stay in bed. So the big guns were brought in, stuck in, etc., etc., etc. Anyhoo. I’m mental. Je suis officiellement fou. And scared.
It’s weird to be exponentially crazy. First the whole dead brain volume thing. Now iron buildup is making me even more nutso. And reading over my 173 pages of medical records from 2016 has left me in a very sad place. So I’m going to knit. A lot. And think about being officially mental. Mentally disabled. knit knit knit…knit knit knit…Put a rainbow on it. My rainbow is the possibility of being able to get some sort of healthcare.
Cognitive Problems Resulting from Iron Overload Because iron crosses the BBB and excess iron can accumulate in the brain, cognitive processes are likely to be affected in people with haemochromatosis. Those that are most sensitive to brain damage include memory, learning, information processing speed and attention.
I’m always going on about being a genetic defect. Now it’s better than that — I’m also mentally disabled. So. That’s me. This is me.
I’m fucking crazy. Infinitely so.
Michelle O’Kane 