I wake up every morning and realize I’m alive. I find myself on a sofa in a living room. I stare at my hands and think about how they still work. Sometimes I can’t control my emotions, and my mind feels like a storm of conflicting feelings. It’s hard to make sense of these emotions, and some days are tougher than others.
My phone tells me it’s Saturday, and as I wake up, I try to piece together where I am. The bright room with too many windows and empty glasses makes me think I’m not at home. I live with two roommates, one of whom is my eleven-year-old son. I struggle to remember where I am and the people around me. I often wake up feeling confused and in pain.
I have been living with my best friend, Louise, for over a year, but I struggle to remember things clearly. I’ve distanced myself from the outside world and find it hard to leave the house. I often struggle with the memories of my past, even if they are painful.
I recall an experience of getting a piercing, and it reminds me of other things I’ve been through. I find myself walking outside, aimlessly, and sometimes to places that aren’t good for me. The mental and emotional turmoil I face makes it hard to make positive decisions and move forward.
Overall, I’m struggling with remembering events, staying connected with people, and finding a sense of purpose. It’s a daily battle, and I often feel lost and disconnected from the world around me.
Michelle O’Kane 